Confessions of a coach
22nd August 2006 – the day that changed my life in many ways; the day I was given a new lease of life through organ transplantation. Since then, I have been leading a relaxed, calm and composed life choosing to do only what I love most and kept myself away from the famous lines of Boman Irani in the Bollywood movie “3 idiots” – “Life is a race, tez bhago!”.
An average day in my life post my surgery has hardly ever been average. Factors like stress, anger, anxiety etc. that used to haunt me during my hemodialysis days were now subject matters of interest to get deeper insights on its adverse impact. I have empathized with people who go through such emotional state and suffering.
I owe my gratitude to some extraordinary people and books written by great authors. Without them, I could not have made each day fun filled, energetic and managed to keep it mostly in high spirits.
I meet people from various walks of life, coach them, sometimes counsel / mentor them – rich and rewarding experiences that helps me finish a day on a high note only to start the next day even better. Over the years, I have developed little tricks and religiously practiced them to keep my mood at its scintillating best! For example, I use one of the most frequently asked questions in a day, “How are you?” as a Happiness check or Mood evaluator. Try asking me and many of you reading this already know my impulsive response “FANTASTIC!!!” in an excited tone that would make at least 3 others turn around to see who in the heaven is blessed with such a spirit? It could be a decent number for the record if one were to count the number of times I would have used this word in a decade. I have also influenced a handsome number of people through my training sessions into believing that this word “FANTASTIC” when used int he right manner as a response to “How are you?” is magical and has the power to elevate your dampened spirit and positively infect the people around you.
I have taken it this far 
Now the real confession. If I had the power to wipe out about 10 minutes on the morning of 27th June 2015 (Saturday), I happily would do so. But whats done cannot be undone and I have to move forward. Yet, I am writing about it coz I believe it’ll make me feel lighter.
This was the day at home something strange happened. A burning cauldron of emotions erupted from within me like a volcano spitting hot molten lava as I went on a wild rage – my words and actions despicable to mention. It dawned on me that that I still have miles to go when it comes to being self-aware and on my ability to keep my disruptive moods and impulses in check.
I am thoroughly embarrassed to write in detail about the verbiage or my behavior. Although it must have hurt members of my family, I must admit that each one at home including my young nephew (6 yrs) despite being a naive target of my wrath played a role in gracefully diffusing the unwarranted and shocking display of the villain inside me.
In retrospect, the trigger for my rudimentary actions comparable with a venomous cobra striking hard at its target was extremely trivial. In a few minutes, I had reasonable grip over myself but it was a tad too late – damage done! I had succumbed and allowed my emotions to take control over me – especially after all that mastery / expertise I thought I had over emotional intelligence besides presenting such a sensitive subject across audience with profound confidence, to say the least – What a shame!
Few hours went by and I ended up breaking my own rule. Instead of letting go and moving forward, I began to probe and analyze what led to this?
Was it the frustration of my prolonged illness and weeks of hospitalization in the recent times?
Could it be the countless medical tests I was subjected to which did not reveal the root cause of my condition testing my patience? Or was it the act of painfully numerous antibiotics administered intravenously in the most challenging environment – dialysis unit of a hospital? I had been there 10 years ago, nothing has changed!
To my chagrin, I could not keep my commitment with two of my clients who decided to show me the door (in a nice way of course). My promise of taking my wife / daughter out for a nice evening remained long overdue which has been hurting me.
I went on…and the list seemed never ending until I woke up to what I was doing. Stop! I said to myself. Wallowing in self-pity, it was a futile exercise to find a 1000 excuses to rationalize my unacceptable behavior earlier in the day. I decided to let o and move forward. That’s the only way I can and I will change things for myself.
“Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. Its a very mean and nasty place and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard ya hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much can you take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done!” – Sylvester Stallone (SS), Rocky.
Practice what you preach and beyond, and if you must, only preach what you practice. I certainly knocked myself out even if it meant only once in 9 years. I owe an apology for my emotional fury to my wonderful mom who is a symbol of patience; my understanding wife who cares for my little needs; my beloved daughter who lightens me up when I get back home; my ever supportive sister and my adorable nephew; to every participant thus far in my training sessions with whom I have interacted on these subjects – Happiness, Emotions, Self Regulation, Emotional Intelligence.
I write this from the luxury of a tastefully decorated room at the Hanu Reddy Residences in Poes Garden – an abode of peace and tranquil green all around located in the midst of hot and chaotic Chennai. It feels fabulous to stay here and experience bliss especially after a bout of serious illness. Very special thanks to Mrs. Nirupama Reddy, CEO of Hanu Reddy Residences for this lovely treat. I already feel rejuvenated and ready to live my motto of bringing delight into people’s lives.
